The Long Road Ahead: Where I Was and Where I’m going

Welcome to my blog. First and foremost, it is best seen on a tablet or a smartphone. If you’re on a laptop or desktop, you may want to increase the browser size as large as you can. Sorry, I’m not the best at photoshop and all that wonderful stuff so you may miss out on some nifty graphics. Second, yup, you may see some grammatical errors, punctuation errors and the kind of things that drive folks with OCD up the wall. The reason is because when I write my blogs, I normally just type in maniacal fashion whatever is on my mind and publish. When I re-read them, if something is just terribly awful I will fix it though. Anyways, if you’ve read my “Who I Am And Why I Write,” section I’ll spare you and won’t go into detail and repeat my situation. However, I suppose it can’t hurt to reiterate the purpose of my writing. First and foremost I need an outlet – being a caregiver for my father who has cancer is not easy and unfortunately there aren’t many people who are willing to listen. I will write about that later though. Secondly, I feel maybe I have some insight that might help people. Who knows, I’m nobody special but my mom says I’m a catch and I never got any participation trophies growing up so that has to count for something right?! In my life I have experienced the death of my mother when I was thirteen years old in a traumatic accident for which I felt responsible for nearly 15 years, I have faced addiction and recovery from drugs and alcohol, I have dealt with bullying growing up, I have suffered with mental health issues, I have almost been homeless and other times I have been blessed with great jobs and financial stability. I’m not sure if that matters but I have experienced quite a bit in my thirty-two years of life, sometimes I think more so than many and I will say that the past year and a half of being a caregiver has been without a doubt the most difficult time of my life by far. More difficult than losing my mother when I was coming of age, more difficult than overcoming my addictions, more difficult than dealing with past traumas and mental health issues and that is why I am here. I can also say it has been the most rewarding, fulfilling and life changing experience of my life as well. It is completely possible to grow, adapt, to change who you are if you demand it of yourself. My failures have made me stronger and I would not trade my experiences for anything. Growing up, I was shielded from the real world, babied and never exposed to what real life was like. Pain and fear. However through those two things so much more exists and part of my blog is to offer advice to caregivers. We must embrace everything that comes from that because those are the two key elements that we live with everyday. The pain we feel seeing our loved one slowly or in many cases quickly deteriorate and the fear of the unknown or the fear of their passing. Other posts might just be my thoughts, feelings, stories, just whatever comes to mind. I figured why not?

 

“There’s a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost… the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is… I’ve always been a fool.”

-Edward Bloom from the Film Big Fish Directed By Tim Burton

 

 

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