Riding the A Train – Hopefully

After my previous success on my last stats quiz, I’m pretty motivated and if, big if, I can swing an A on this exam and an A on this quiz on Tuesday, I could possibly get my grade up to a B-. That would be abso-fucking-lutely amazing.

I’ve locked myself in my room for the most part and ceased contact with most of the outside world. I even created some study guides for a few of my friends in the class. I figured if I can put a study guide together, I have to understand the material well enough to actually do it. The material I did it with was probability which isn’t that difficult when it’s broken down. There’s a lot of repetition and and a lot of patterns which luckily I picked up on. Also, the professor uses playing cards and dice as examples and when you’ve been to as many rehabs as I’ve been to, you get a pretty good understanding of card counting and the odds of dice throwing. LOL I never really thought going to shitty rehabs where they allowed gambling would actually come in handy but apparently not going to the “I used to be an addict but now I’m not,” place may just be overrated. Rich people, ugh.

I’ve also been listening to a very interesting audio book through audible. It’s called Your Deceptive Mind: A Scientific Guide to Critical Thinking Skills by Professor Steven Novella. It’s absolutely fascinating. I honestly wish I would’ve heard/read this book my first year in college. It’s essentially the biopsychosocial model of psychology broken down into a critical thinking and analysis modality. If you want a general understanding about psychology, how people think, how to better understand why people do the things they do and even better yet why YOU do the things you do you should really consider listening to/reading this book. If you don’t have the audible app, you can download the app and actually get the book for free. It’s a win win.

Aside from that, nothing real big happening around here. My dad is dropping the new chemo drip he started about a month ago so that sucks but I don’t blame him. He’s been miserable since he started it and it does worry me to an extent. He’s not a quitter when it comes to this sort of thing and it’s certainly not like him to throw in the towel. I’m concerned that in the past he would’ve suffered through this sort of thing because he had something to suffer for. Now, we don’t have any big vacation plans, no big family reunion set up, nothing for him to look forward to. Ever since we got home from Myrtle Beach things have just been different. There’s been a rut in the house and it’s definitely heavy. I can’t help but feel partially to blame as I’m just never really home and when I am home I’m not really available but I have to focus on me for a while. I knew this was going to be difficult – going to college and being a caregiver. I suppose I’m trying my best to compartmentalize and push as much of it out of the way as I can. At least for now. I just need to get through this fucking piece of shit semester. Christmas is my dad’s favorite holiday. He goes absolutely bananas over it so I’m really hoping it’ll bring some spring back into his step. If I have learned anything in my 32 years of existence it is that there is a God and I am not him. I can’t do jack shit about a lot of things in my life and the things I can do something about I try to take care of. If I spread myself too thin, there are consequences and it took me a very long time to find that line. I know my dad is well aware of that too. Next semester might be just as demanding but hopefully I won’t fail my first exam so bad that I have to play catch up constantly just to keep my head above water.

It is what it is I suppose.

The 24th is D-Day though. I have my Lab Quiz for stats and my Lecture Exam the same day for the same class. Yes, that’s the level of fucked-up-ness this class is. You actually have multiple tests on the same day for the same class. It’s like that. After the 24th, I should have a better understanding of where I am in the class. If I get two A’s, decent A’s, I should be set, my stress level should drop and hopefully I can get back to normal.

Well, depending on what you define as normal.

Stay classy my friends and remember, you’re never alone.

C. Brooks

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